This should be a simple question to answer right? Well, not exactly. You see, I’m not really sure who I am…
Growing up, I was athletic and always out riding my bike until dark with the neighbor kids. I was tomboyish and liked “boys toys” such as race car tracks and sumo fighting figures and I loved my game boy. As I got older, I started to become more girly. I liked doing my hair, playing with makeup, talking on the phone, having sleepovers, painting my nails with a horrible bright ugly color, etc. As I got into high school, I enjoyed writing poems or songs, listening to music, I liked hanging out with my friends, going to parties, floating down the river with my friends, and so on.
I’m really not sure where I lost my way, but I did. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I lost myself to food, to over-eating, to not caring, to giving up. I stopped caring about my looks, my weight, my life. I had literally given up. This is when I let my weight control my life. My weight decided if I liked something or not. For example, swimming. I used to enjoy swimming. Not that I can swim, because I can’t, but I used to enjoy going. But now that I’m overweight, I don’t like swimming. I don’t want to put on a bathing suit, or have people see me with one on. My weight has decided that I don’t like swimming anymore.
Another example is clothes shopping. Anyone who knows me, knows that I HATE shopping for clothes. It’s miserable trying on clothes that don’t look great on you because you’re chubby. It’s literally just depressing to go anymore when you know you’re going to be let down by what you see. I used to really enjoy clothing. I liked looking cute. I enjoyed having unique pieces that I knew no one else would have. I remember in I think middle school, I had these awesome flame shoes that were black and had orange flames on them and I thought I was soooooo cool! I remember the feeling I got when people noticed my shoes and loved them. Nowadays, I just buy whatever fits. I really have no control over what my clothes look like. There aren’t a lot of choices when you’re overweight. My weight has decided that I don’t enjoy clothes shopping anymore.
This brings me back to the question: Who Am I?
I’m having to rediscover who I am, what my likes are, what I dislike, what makes me happy, etc. I’m sure my interests will keep changing as I lose weight. So far I’ve discovered that I like blogging! Thanks to my BFF Megan, I started this blog and I’m loving it! It makes me remember back when I REALLY loved writing. I used to write songs, or poems, or just thoughts and it made me feel creative. This blog is my outlet now for that.
I’ve also realized I love to travel and my weight has held me back from wanting to fly on a plane. My goal is to lose enough weight to feel confident enough again to fly without feeling too big to fit in a seat.
I have let my weight define who I am as a person or what I do. It decided if I liked something or not just based on if I could do it being overweight. I’m tired of letting my weight define me. I’m changing this right now. I will no longer be defined by my weight but by Who I Am.