As I was driving home tonight from work, I was talking on the phone to an old friend. He was telling me about his relationship problems and was needing some advice. I think I give pretty good advice and I love trying to help others with an unbiased opinion.
After we hung up, I had this feeling that I was glad I wasn’t in a relationship and that I don’t have to worry about having those petty disagreements or arguments with a boyfriend or spouse. I instantly felt completely content with being single. Then, I wondered, “Why am I ok with being single? Have I shut myself off so completely in the sense that I don’t need or want love or companionship ever in my life?”
After a few moments, I flashed forward and pictured that singleness in future years. All of these thoughts started passing through my mind. Will I still be single in my 40’s? Am I really ok with being single and not having children? Will I always live by myself in a one bedroom apartment? The future of my singleness looked incredibly scary.
Once I got home from work, the thoughts subsided and I went into my usual evening routine. I heated up dinner, I ate dinner, I walked my dog, and I started watching a little tv.
My thoughts from earlier crept back up into my mind as I started watching a tv show about falling in love. Everybody is looking for love. I feel like its in our DNA. We all yearn for that partner in life, that companion.
I’ve heard it said to me a million times that you don’t need a guy to make you happy. I realize that, I don’t. But I want so badly to have someone to go to the movies with, to go out to dinner with, to make me soup when I’m sick, to travel with, to start a family with, etc. I’m not looking for a guy to make me happy, I’m looking for a guy to experience life with.
Doing everything by yourself gets lonely sometimes. I used to have the hardest time dealing with being alone. I couldn’t handle it. This past year I’ve grown a lot and became much more independent and much happier than I’ve been in years past. But every now and then, sad days like today creep up and put things into perspective.